


Ready When You Are

by Three_Oaks



Series: Oaksy's Prompt Game [15]
Category: Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: Coming Out, First Kiss, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:01:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23429638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Three_Oaks/pseuds/Three_Oaks
Summary: A face from his past forces Ethan to reveal something he may not be ready to admit yet. Benji helps.Day 15:Coming out
Relationships: Benji Dunn/Ethan Hunt
Series: Oaksy's Prompt Game [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676299
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41





	Ready When You Are

It was Friday night and the bar was full. Loud, but not loud enough that they had to shout. Not that it stopped Benji from leaning just a bit closer to Ethan when he was speaking, hand on his shoulder and heart beating fast. The last mission had gone well, and it was time to celebrate.

"Hunt? Ethan Hunt? I can't believe it!"

A guy in his fifties was standing by their table, beer in hand. He was attractive, muscular in that way that people who work hard at their look but don't use their strength for much of anything. His hair were receding, but a tasteful haircut gave it an air of class instead of age. 

"Shiller. It's been a while."

"Yeah, right! What has it been?"

"Twenty eight years since you were discharged."

"Shit, I can't believe we were ever that young. So, what have you been doing, Hunt?"

"I'm an engineer. Andy, my team. Benji, Brandt, Luther, Andy Schiller. We were in the Rangers together."

"Nice to meet you all!"

Benji couldn’t help but note that his eyes weren’t as warm as his voice. He tensed. Schiller grabbed a chair from the next table, dragged it, hitting a woman's leg with it, wobbling a little on his feet. He sat down, and Benji could smell the alcohol on his breath. 

"Your team, right? Still not there to make friends, are you?" He laughed, clapping Ethan on the back. Ethan didn't laugh.

"Can't you be friends with your coworkers?" Benji said, smiling aggressively. 

"Alright, alright. And they all love you too. Who wouldn't?" His hand tightened on Ethan's shoulder.

"I've been lucky. What do you want, Andy?"

"Just wanted to see how Mr. Perfect was doing. You haven't fucking changed. Always thinking you're step above everyone, that you're too good for them."

"I'm sorry you didn't get that promotion."

"And modest too. Fuck you, Hunt. I know you. You can stop pretending."

"Ok, that's enough. You're drunk. Piss off," Benji interrupted.

"Don't you want to know what that guy really is?"

Ethan became white.

"You should leave," Luther said.

"He's a fag, that's what. Hard to pretend you're better than us when you're on your knees behind the barracks."

He reached for Ethan's face with his other hand.

Benji punched him. He fell backwards, taking a table with him, beer glasses shattering on the floor. Benji was vibrating with rage. He got up, not knowing what he was about to do, before Luther stopped him.

"We'll deal with him. You should go after Ethan."

From the corner of his eyes, he saw him leaving the bar, walking too fast. His head was cast down. Benji caught up to him in the parking lot.

"Ethan! Ethan, wait."

His face was drawn, his jaw tense.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm not gay."

"Alright. Do you want to talk about..."

"No." 

Ethan looked away, walking to his car.

"It's fine, you know. It won't change anything if you don't want it to," Benji called after him.

Ethan stopped.

"It was a fucking shitty thing to do. I know... I know how that feels, to be scared like that."

"I'm not gay."

"But I am. And there's nothing worse than feeling like you've got to hide."

"I don't want to talk about it, Benji."

"Alright. But if you ever do, I'm there, ok? And so are Luther and Brandt."

There was a pause, after Ethan unlocked his car. Benji held his breath.

"Thank you." 

"Drive safe, Ethan."

He slammed the door. Benji watched him driving off into the night.

***

The call came a month and a half later, just as Benji had pulled the blankets over himself and closed his eyes.

"Benji? Could I talk to you?"

" 'Course." 

"Did I wake you up? I'm..."

"No, you didn't. Do you want me to come over?"

"Listen, I don't want to bother you."

"You're not. See you soon, Ethan."

He threw some jeans and a t-shirt on, and left. Half an hour later, he was knocking on Ethan's door.

"Thank you for coming, Benji."

He was still wearing the same clothes he had earlier, but his hairs looked more ruffled. Benji wanted to run a hand through them, put them in place. He looked tired. They sat down in the living room, across the coffee table. Benji waited for him to speak.

"What I said the other day..." He took a breath. "I'm not gay. But I'm... I'm attracted to men."

He looked to Benji from below his eyelashes, barely breathing.

"Thank you for telling me, Ethan. I hope you know... I hope you know that this doesn't change how much I respect you. You're my teammate, and my friend, no matter what."

Ethan's shoulders relaxed. Benji couldn't believe how tense he had been. 

Ethan took his face in his hands.

"I feel stupid for not telling you."

"You didn't have to."

"It's just... I don't really know what I am, really." 

"Bisexual, maybe?"

"Maybe. But I don't feel the same with women and with men. With men, it's always been a secret, like something dirty. I've never even thought about having a real relationship with a man, because that just wasn't possible. When I was in the Army... I was so scared someone would find out. I would have lost everything. Dishonorable discharge. My mother would never have forgiven me." He stopped. “I’ve never stopped feeling like that. Not really.”

Benji wanted to hug him, more than anything. Tell him it was fine, that it would get better. That he didn’t have to be ashamed. 

"I was seeing Andy for some time when we were both considered for a promotion. He never forgave me for getting it."

"Were you in love with him?"

"I don't know. I didn't consider it, really. Now..."

"Hey, everyone has that one shitty ex. I do, at least."

"It wasn't that bad. He didn't tell anybody," he shrugged.

"I still don't regret punching him in the face."

Ethan smiled.

"Thank you."

"Do you want to go for a beer? We left a bit fast last time. We could celebrate, if you want."

"Celebrate me being confused by my own sexuality?"

"Celebrate you coming out."

"Even if I don't know if I'll ever feel like I can be in a relationship with a man? If I don't ever stop being so scared?"

He didn’t think Ethan had let himself be that vulnerable in front of him, before. He’d seen him hurt, and scared, and desperate, but never like that. Never about himself. He chose his words carefully, and prayed he’d deserved his trust.

"Yes. You don't have to do anything you're not ready for. And if you never feel like it, it doesn't make it any less true. You're queer, Ethan. Welcome to the club."

"There is a club?" He laughed.

"Depends. How do you feel about gay bars?"

***

The sun was getting low on the ocean, seagulls calling loudly through the fresh March air. Ethan had suggested staying on the North Sea coast for a few days after the end of their mission, and Benji couldn't say his heart hadn't jumped at the thought.

"Benji, do you remember what I told you when I came out?"

"Like it was yesterday." It had been two years ago, but Benji still did.

"I said that I didn't know if I'd ever be ready for a relationship with a man."

They had stopped on the pier, overlooking the grey, foamy water. 

Ethan took his hands into his own.

"I think I'm ready, now. Benji... I love you, more than I can tell. I've been so happy, with you. You made me so happy. I want to go home with you, and wake up next to you, and tell you every day how much I care. I want to kiss you."

Benji smiled, wider than he thought he could. 

"I love you too, Ethan. I love you so much."

Ethan put his hand around Benji’s neck and drew him closer, so close they chests touched and their lips were less than an inch apart.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For waiting on me. For being there.” 

Ethan kissed him, and Benji kissed back.


End file.
